Review "Improving Sentence Clarity"
Plus...
Don't show off
and
Avoid empty phrases
Do Peer Reviews...make marks/edits directly on the paper; at the end of the paper, provide a summary comment in which you identify two things you felt they did well and two things you feel they might be able to improve upon.
HW: Submit a digital copy of your essay to turnitin.com and bring a paper copy to hand in to me tomorrow.
Sentence Structure
Advice for
Improving Sentence Clarity
Strategy 1: Use
Active Voice.
Sentences
in active voice are usually easier to understand than those in passive voice
because active-voice constructions clearly indicate who performs the action
expressed by the verb. In addition, changing from passive to active voice often
results in a more concise sentence.
Passive
(more wordy): My car is borrowed every Saturday by Gina.
Active
(clear and direct): Gina borrows my car every Saturday.
Strategy 2: Use
Parallel Constructions.
When
you have a series of words, phrases, or clauses, put them in parallel form
(similar grammatical construction) so the reader can easily identify the
linking relationship between the items in the series.
Not
Parallel (awkward): In areas threatened by hurricanes, it is important to
become aware of the warning signs, there are precautions to take, and deciding
when to take shelter is important.
Parallel
(clear): In areas threatened by hurricanes, it is important to become aware
of the warning signs, to know what precautions to take, and to decide
when to seek shelter.
In
the first sentence, notice how the series of advice regarding hurricanes does
not create a parallel structure. Also, notice how much more difficult it is for
a reader to follow the meaning of the first sentence compared to the second
one.
Strategy 3: Choose
Action Verbs Over Forms of Be.
When
possible, avoid using forms of be as the main verbs in your sentences
and clauses. Instead of using be verbs, choose descriptive verbs that
convey the specific actions you wish to express. For the same reasons, avoid
overuse of other nonspecific verbs like, do, make, and have.
Overuse
of be verbs (wordy): One difference between television news
reporting and the coverage provided by newspapers is the time factor
between the actual happening of an event and the time it takes to be reported.
The problem is that instantaneous coverage is physically
impossible for newspapers.
Use
of action verbs (concise): Television news reporting differs from
that of newspapers in that television, unlike newspapers, provides instantaneous
coverage of events as they happen.
Strategy 4: Avoid
Unclear Pronoun References.
Be
sure the pronouns you use clearly refer to a noun in the current or previous
sentence. If the pronoun refers to a noun that has been implied but not stated,
you can clarify the reference by explicitly using that noun.
Unclear
pronoun reference: American universities are tightening budgets by hiring temporary
contract employees as teachers instead of hiring new, full-time faculty. This
has prompted them to join unions as a way of protecting job security
and benefits.
Clear
pronoun reference: American universities are tightening budgets by hiring temporary
contract employees as teachers instead
of hiring new, full-time faculty. This trend has prompted many
full-time faculty members to join unions as a way of protecting job
security and benefits.
Strategy 5: Avoid
Shifts in Person.
An
unintentional shift in person is a common flaw in student writing and should be
avoided. To avoid shifts in person, decide whom you will be referencing in your
paper, whether it is first person (I, we), second person (you), or third person
(he/she, they, a student, the government, etc.) and stay consistent.
Awkward
(shift of person): Students who come to college as freshmen must
make many new choices, and sometimes you get confused.
Clearer
(consistent use of person): Students who come to college as freshmen
must make many new choices, and sometimes they get confused.
Strategy 6: Be
Careful about Placement of Interrupting Material.
Awkward
(additional information embedded in the middle): Industrial spying, because
of the growing use of computers to store and process corporate information,
is increasing rapidly.
Clearer
(additional information at the end): Industrial spying is increasing
rapidly because of the growing use of computers to store and process
corporate information.
Clearer
(additional information at the beginning): Because of the growing use of
computers to store and process corporate information, industrial spying is
increasing rapidly.
Strategy 7: Avoid
Noun Strings.
Nouns
that are strung one after the other often make sentences difficult to
understand. One way to revise a string of nouns is to change one noun to a
verb.
Awkward
(string of nouns): This report explains our investment growth
stimulation projects.
Clearer:
This report explains our projects to stimulate growth in investments.
Strategy 8: Avoid
Multiple Negatives.
Use
affirmative forms rather than several negatives because multiple negatives are
difficult to understand.
Unclear
(multiple negatives, passive): Less attention is paid to commercials
that lack human-interest stories than to other kinds of commercials.
Clearer:
People pay more attention to commercials with human-interest stories
than to other kinds of commercials.
Strategy 9: Avoid
Overusing Noun Forms of Verbs.
Use
verbs when possible rather than the noun forms of those verbs.
Unclear:
The implementation of the plan was successful.
Clearer:
The plan was implemented successfully.
or
We implemented the plan
successfully.
Strategy 10: Remove filler words like it and there and that and those
—
Strengthen the sentences by removing the fillers it
and there;
—
Rewrite the sentences to emphasize the logical
subjects and verbs.
—
If the passive voice sneaks back in, eliminate it.
Examples…
—
Wordy:
There are many tools that
are owned by mechanics.
— Concise: Mechanics own many tools.
