Bring Into The Wild on Monday

Wesley

Skill-Building Revision Assignment for The Scarlet Letter paper

Focused Revision Option

Points: If you earned less than an A on your paper, you can earn up to ten points added to your essay grade (A- papers can earn an additional 7 points to move your essay points to what you would have earned (144 points) if you had received an A on the paper; students who received a B+ through a B- can earn an additional 10 points added to your essay grade).

Total Revision/Rewrite option

If you had a C+ or lower, I want you to research two or three areas that you most need to improve upon, and then rewrite your entire paper (either in response to the same prompt or a different one) for a new grade.  This means that although you only specifically research and annotate for two to three areas of weakness, you should fix anything that needs improvement since I will be holistically regrading your entire paper.

Due date: October 28, 2016 (no extensions)

Choose from the following revision assignments.

What are the areas you feel you need to work on?

1) Writing clear, concise prose

You might want to choose this if your major problems are related to wordiness/language clutter, filler words, vague or empty words, misplaced modifiers, awkward diction or syntax, excessive use of the passive voice and verbs of being.

2) Avoiding comma splices:

 If I circled commas and/or wrote “punc” or CS next to your paper. Comma splices occur when you incorrectly join two independent clauses with only a comma.  Sentence recognition problems (where they end) is the issue here.

3) Writing a focused, detailed and meaningful thesis statement and clearly connected topic sentences for each body paragraph

4) Properly punctuating citations and avoiding floating quotes (according to MLA guidelines)

5) Other problems with punctuation (e.g. proper use of commas, colons, semicolons, apostrophes, etc)

6) Unity and/or coherence: If you tried to talk about too many topics or had trouble creating smooth and coherent connections, this could be an area in need of improvement. Usually personal or societal connection papers focus on a particular central idea and support it with specific details.  Weaker papers use several ideas and support them with abstract or hypothetical examples (especially a problem with personal connections papers that were mistakenly built around a typical academic essay structure).  This problem may require a total or substantial rewrite.

7) Voice (especially a problem with personal connections papers that sounded and were structured more like traditional academic essays). Personal or societal connection papers which lack a focused central idea or concern also tended to have weak examples and weak voice.

8) Weak or abstract examples

8) Wrong structure/genre for the prompt you chose.  This problem may require a total or substantial rewrite.

9) Some other problem (e.g. redundancy, poor word choices, poor choice of supporting evidence, misinterpretation of the text, etc.)

Example Rationale Statement:

Rationale Statement:  I need to work on focusing my creating a focused and well-developed thesis statement that gives specific points that are later explained in my essay.  If I get a well-developed thesis statement, then it becomes easier to create good topic sentences in the body paragraphs.  For example instead of using a generic, even cliché statement, “portray how society casts views that can affect a person internally” I should be more specific, molding the thesis to portray the events that are laid out in The Scarlet Letter.  This is a top priority for my writing because if I can create a precise and to the point thesis statement, then it will be easier to create paragraphs that are not too generic.  I think that with my writing, if I do not have a specific topic that I am further analyzing then my work becomes repetitive and not specific enough.

Wesley

English III AP

November 4 2014

Rationale Statement:  I need to work on focusing my creating a focused and well-developed thesis statement that gives specific points that are later explained in my essay.  If I get a well-developed thesis statement, then it becomes easier to create good topic sentences in the body paragraphs.  For example instead of using a generic, even cliché statement, “portray how society casts views that can affect a person internally” I should be more specific, molding the thesis to portray the events that are laid out in The Scarlet Letter.  This is a top priority for my writing because if I can create a precise and to the point thesis statement, then it will be easier to create paragraphs that are not too generic.  I think that with my writing, if I do not have a specific topic that I am further analyzing then my work becomes repetitive and not specific enough.

Reflection: I always feel stronger after going through the comments left on my essay to see where my weaknesses are.  This assignment especially helped me because I got to focus in on one area that needed improvement.  I think I grew as a writer through this experience because instead of having the weight of rewriting the entire paper, I got to focus on what I really needed work on.  I now feel more confident in writing a well-rounded thesis statement.  Once I have the thesis statement down, the topic sentences become easier to form and my argument flows more smoothly because the thesis is specific and gives a strict guideline for my argument.

Thesis:

Original: Hawthorne uses the development and juxtaposition of Hester and Dimmesdale to illustrate the strong impact of others opinions and to portray how society casts views that can affect a person internally.

Improved:  Hawthorne uses the development and juxtaposition of Hester and Dimmesdale to portray the perceptions, created by society can have a lasting impact and ultimately change a person internally.

Topic Sentences:

Original: Through these internal changes in Hester, Hawthorne establishes the immense impact of others opinions, and how they can change a person.

Improved:  Hester has been picked away by the negative opinions of her neighbors reveling a change in her character, she does not allow herself to be broken down by raw comments thrown at her so a new, colder side emerges.

Original:  Even though Hester and Dimmesdale both commit the same crime, they are viewed differently in society’s eyes effecting both of them internally.

Improved: Hester and Dimmesdale commit their sin together, however they are judged separately which has a direct impact on them.  For Hester she is be built up, growing strong against the negative comments thrown towards her.  For Dimmesdale, he is slowly withering away from the guilt that is residing inside him for fear of what others may think if he does open up and tell the truth.

Example Source: 

Style & Clarity Guidance