Reducing Word Clutter

Wordy constructions such as cliches, qualifiers, and redundant pairs are easy to fix once you recognize your tendency to use them. Read several of your old papers and see if you can locate any of these tendencies or consider whether they have become a habit for you in your writing:

1.       Problem: Clichés

Example: France bit off more than it could chew in Vietnam, and America’s intervention was too little, too late.

How to correct it: Clichés stand in for more precise descriptions of something. Slow down and write exactly, precisely what you mean. If you get stuck, ask yourself “why? or “how?”

Better example: As the French faltered in Vietnam, even American intervention could not save the collapsing regime.

2.       Problem: Lots of qualifiers (very, often, hopefully, practically, basically, really, mostly)

Example: Most people usually think that many puppies are generally pretty cute.

How to correct it: Eliminate some of these qualifiers and you will have a stronger, more direct point. Some qualifiers are necessary, but you should use them carefully and thoughtfully.

Better example: Most people think that puppies are cute.

3.       Problem: Using two words that mean the same thing

Example: Adrienne fulfilled all our hopes and dreams when she saved the whole entire planet.

How to correct it: Choose the most precise term and delete the extra one.

Better example: Adrienne fulfilled all our hopes when she saved the planet.

Some “wordy” constructions take a little more practice locating and correcting:

4.       Problem: Overuse of prepositional phrases (prepositions are little words such as in, over, of, for, at, etc.)

Example: The reason for the failure of the economic system of the island was the inability of Gilligan in finding adequate resources without incurring expenses at the hands of the headhunters on the other side of the island.

How to locate and correct this problem: Locate this problem by circling all of the prepositional phrases in your paper. A few are okay, but several in a sentence (as demonstrated here) make the reader struggle to find and follow your subject and point. Correct this problem by reading the sentence, looking away from it, and writing or saying out loud what you meant when you wrote the sentence. Try asking yourself “Who did what to whom?” Replace the first sentence with your new sentence.

Better example: Gilligan hurt the economic system of the island because he couldn’t find adequate resources without angering the headhunters.

5.       Problem: Stock phrases you can replace with one or two words (see the other handout).

Examples: The fact that I did not like the aliens affected our working relationship.

The aliens must be addressed in a professional manner.

How to locate and correct this problem: Locate this problem as you do cliches. Is this just something people say? What do the words actually mean? Correct this problem by looking for a single word that expresses your meaning.

Better examples:

My dislike of the aliens affected our working relationship.

The aliens must be addressed professionally.

Here’s a list of common or stock phrases to find in your paper and replace with a single word (see Joseph M. Williams, Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace): 

VERB TROUBLE

Nouns (person, place, thing, or concept) and verbs (words that describe an action or state of being) are the hearts and souls of all sentences. These become the essential elements—what your grammar teacher may have called the “subject” and the “predicate” or the “actor” and “action” of every sentence. The reader should be able to clearly locate the main subject and verb of your sentences and, ideally, the subject and verb should be close together in the sentence. Some style “crimes” are varied symptoms of one problem: the subjects and verbs or the actor and action of your sentence are hiding from the reader. The reader has trouble following who is doing what to whom. Instructors may write comments like “passive voice” or “weak verbs” in your paper’s margins. While using passive voice or weak verbs is grammatically correct, it may make the reader work too hard to decipher your meaning. Use passive voice and weak verbs strategically once you get the hang of them. If you’re still struggling to figure out what they are, you need to aim for “active voice” and “strong verbs” to improve your writing.

1.       Problem: Passive voice. When you hide the actor by putting it somewhere after the action (not in the usual subject part of the sentence) and add a “to be” verb, you are using passive voice. For more detailed coverage, see our handout on the passive voice.

Examples: Here’s a passive sentence with the actor at the end of the sentence (not at the beginning, where you would usually expect the subject):

The alien remains were lost by the government.

Some passive sentences omit actor entirely:

The alien remains were lost.

The car was wrecked.

Better (active) examples:

The government lost the alien remains.

I wrecked the car.

How to locate and correct this problem: Locate passive voice in your papers by circling every “to be” verb (am, is, are, was, were, be, been, being ) in your paper. Not all of these verbs will indicate a passive construction or one you want to change, but if the “to be” verb is sitting next to another verb, especially one that ends in “ed,” (“was lost”, “was wrecked”) then you may be using passive voice. If you have trouble finding “to be” verbs, try finding the subject, verb, and object in each sentence. Can the reader tell who or what is doing the action in your sentence? Correct passive constructions by putting that actor back in the subject of the sentence and getting rid of the “to be” verb. Note that you may have to add information in the sentence; you have to specify who in your sentence and thereby keep the reader from guessing—that’s good:

2.       Problem: Nominalization—a fancy term for making verbs and adjectives into nouns. Again, sometimes you want to use nominalization and may do so purposefully. But too much nominalization in a paper can sound abstract and make the reader work to decipher your meaning. (Professional academic writing often has a lot of nominalization—that’s one reason why you may struggle with some of your assigned reading in your courses!)

Examples: The discovery of the aliens was made by the government.

The car wreck was a result of a lack of visual focus.

How to locate and correct the problem: Locate nominalization in your papers by circling all of the nouns. Do you have several in a single sentence? You might be hiding the action (the verb) of your sentence inside of a noun. Correct nominalization by returning the abstract noun to its function as verb or adjective. This will take practice—focus on making the sentence simpler in structure (actor and action):

The government discovered the aliens.

My sister wrecked the car when she forgot to wear her glasses.

Also, look for sentences that begin with the following phrases: there is, there are, this is, that is, it is. Sometimes you need these phrases to refer to an immediately preceding sentence without repeating yourself, but they may be hiding nominalizations.

Example: There is a need for further study of aliens.

How to locate and correct this problem: Circle these phrases in your paper and try omitting them from the sentence. Who is doing what to whom?

Better example: We need to study aliens further.

3.       Problem: Weak verbs. If you have located and corrected passive voice and nominalization problems in your essay but your sentences still seem to lack meaning or directness, look for “weak” verbs. Verbs such as “to be” verbs and “have” verbs can often be replaced by “strong” verbs, verbs that carry specific meaning. Concentrate on what the subject of your sentence does and make that the verb in the sentence.

Example: The aliens have a positive effect on our ecosystem.

How to locate and correct this problem: Locate weak verbs by circling all of the “to be” and “have” verbs in your paper. Correct weak verbs by omitting them and replacing them with a more meaningful verb. Notice that you will need to add information as you specify the nature of the action. Answer the question: “What does the subject really do?”

Better example: The aliens improve our ecosystem.

OSTENTATIOUS ERUDITION

You may be inclined to improve your style by sounding more “collegiate” or by using multi-syllabic words. Don’t ever do so without looking up those words to make sure you know exactly what they mean. And don’t blindly accept the recommendations of your word processing program’s thesaurus—these tools may be dangerous unless you double-check the meaning of the words in a dictionary. Many times, an inappropriate synonym will make you sound like you don’t know what you are talking about or, worse yet, give the impression that you are plagiarizing from a source you don’t understand. Never use a word you can’t clearly define. It’s okay to use big words if you know them well and they fit your overall tone—just make sure your tone is consistent. In other words, don’t say “That miscreant has a superlative aesthetic sense, but he’s dopey.”

You may use overly “erudite” words because you think it is wrong to use the same words over and over again in an essay. In fact, it’s often okay to repeat the same word(s) in your paper, particularly when they are significant or central terms. For example, if your paper discusses the significance of memory represented by the scent of wisteria in William Faulkner’s Absalom, Absalom, you are going to write the words “memory” and “wisteria” a lot. Don’t start saying “recollection,” “reminiscence,” “summoning up of past events,” and “climbing woody vine” just to get a little variation in there. A thesaurus might even lead you to say that the significance of nostalgia is represented by the odiferous output of parasitic flowering vegetation. Such sentences may cloud rather than clarify your point.